Kuwait Times

Published Date: July 23, 2010
By Chidi Emmanuel, Staff Writer

The phenomenon of the social website has experienced many revolutions since its inception. Facebook, MySpace, chat rooms etc are now all the rage, linking people together through common interests or geographical background, shared belief or other mutual factors, thus making use of the Internet socially more popular and positively viewed.

Social network sites have been around since the early 1990s, but didn't really start gaining widespread popularity until around 2004. A social website aims to link friends and strangers together, bridging the proximity and communications gap and bringing lovers, classmates, co-workers, hobbyists and lobbyists closer, online at least. On the net, one can link up with all one's old contacts, as well as instantly make new ones.

Some of the most popular social networking websites today include MySpace, Facebook, Hi5, BlackPlanet, Twitter and LinkedIn. These websites range from general interest sites to those defined by a common factor such as country, race, religion or lifestyle. On Facebook and other social network sites, men and women can also search for people by sex, age, region, and marital status (married, single). If, after viewing a person's pictures and deeming them attractive, you can then send the person an online messa
ge, chat and add them as a friend if you both wish to do so.

With camera phones, digital cameras and webcams, it is very easy nowadays to upload and access pictures in a matter of minutes. This new trend has made it easier for people to meet, link, express and disguise themselves, love and flirt covertly, thus creating a new topic of controversy, the subjects termed e-cheating and e-flirting.

Before the invention of the Internet, being unfaithful to a partner involved physical contact and engaging in a physically intimate relationship. Now, one can easily encounter new romantic interests online and communicate with them frequently without their spouses, parents or relations knowing. People can send emails, flirt in instant message format and some go as far as having cyber-relationships. All these phenomena can take place secretly, even in the conservative Arab world.

The rise of impious relationships, exposure and crude comments on the net have triggered a lot of debate on the need for the introduction of restraints. Some argue that internet censorship is a violation of human rights, while others see it as a way of protecting the vulnerable, especially kids.

Cheating, immoral activities and infidelity occur in real life and more (nowadays) on the Internet, but they are more common on social networking websites because the main reason why people join them is to connect and meet people," said Abdul Khalid at Kuwait University. "Many don't see online flirting as cheating. They see it as just having fun especially in this region where any interaction with a non-relative is seen as haram.

Kimberley Jones, a student at a local college, confirms this view, arguing that online flirtation is not the same as cheating: "Celebrities, politicians, powerful and influential figures tend to get caught in limelight more often than ordinary people for trying to sneak into these e-nightclubs (social networking sites)," she says. "Online flirting does not necessarily count as cheating. It's just a bit of fun. Plus, the person poses no threat since his/her presence is only online. It's not real. However,
in this changing world it has become more popular for friends and couples to define the parameters of their relationship by their own standards of which one can quit if he or she wishes," she added.

Dangers and risks
Nada, a third-year student at Kuwait University, said that there are positive and negative aspects to social networking sites, as to everything else: "Everything that has advantages must have its disadvantages too," she pointed out. "The merits of social networking sites are so many - especially in countries with repressive regimes. Their citizens, activists and opposition have used it technically to prove their points. Also, people are becoming happier these days than they ever were before. Our Arab girls
can now have the taste of love - even though it's not real - on the net.

When asked if she has a boyfriend, she said "No and Yes; 'No' because I can't feel him physically - but 'Yes' because I can hear him say (online) "I LOVE YOU NADA" every night before I go to bed. He seems to be a nice guy and I wish I could meet him in person. He brought out the woman in me with so much love and care," Nada added romantically of her online paramour, who lives in New York.

Sociologist Prince O Clark is more circumspect about the benefits of online relationships: "The danger with online flirting is that it can grow into something else," he warns. "It can take on a new dimension and alter the course of your real relationships with your family and partner. The online affair can grow into an actual physical affair. By flirting with someone online, there is a high risk that you will take your mental energies away from developing your primary relationship and spend that energy dev
eloping online relationship. This kind of fun fare is very risky if it is something that you need to hide from your parents or partner. It involves a lot of sneaking around, lying and hiding in order to cover things up and keep the two (your partner and online lover)," he said.

Red flag waving
Clark also warned of the danger signs, saying, "Whenever your child, wife, husband or partner start hiding the computer screen when you enter the room, know that there must be something fishy going on." Computer expert Walid Mohamed called Facebook a tool for affairs and e-cheating. "I broke off with my girl because she was cheating on me," he told the Kuwait Times. When asked how, Mohammed said that he disguised himself - using another Facebook ID and flirted with his girlfriend on the net. "I even invit
ed her for a coffee at Marina Mall and she agreed. She was shocked to meet me as her online lover. I said 'Khalas - it's over," he said in dismay.

A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking in evidence over the last five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the site most often cited in evidence is Facebook, which now has 400 million registered users. Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys said that Facebook is mentioned in around 20 percent of divorce cases.

Ignorance
Some Facebook users don't realize how open these networks are. "I never know that a friend to my friend can have access to some of my information," said Hanan, who wished to remain anonymous. "It was only when my brother - who's not on my list - mentioned the names of my Facebook friends that I realized that my Facebook account isn't like my Yahoo account." Hanan has learnt from this revelation; "I'm smarter now; I don't use my real name or ID to avoid being busted," she said.

Asked if they'd consider adding their brothers or parents as friends, Hanan and her friends chorused "No way!" "I don't want them to know what is happening in my World Wide Web love life," said Gina, one of Hanan's friends, while the others nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, in an effort to make it easy for users to control what kind of information they wish to be shared, Facebook has made an important change by introducing its new simplified data-sharing permission system. This makes it impossible for any third party to have access to all your information and data. "These improvements reflect two core Facebook beliefs: first, your data belongs to you; secondly, it should be easy to control what you share," said Facebook CTO Bret Taylor in a blog posting.